Who releases a mass marketing blitz at a series’ funeral?
Apparently hindsight ruled the day when this mass marketing campaign for Adam Warren’s Dirty Pair kicked into high gear. Starting about the time of 2001 when Dirty Pair : Run From The Future went into Trade PaperBack mode and the only “Special Edition” Dirty Pair reprint (Sim Hell Remastered) hit in issue format, the merchandise for Adam Warren’s Dirty Pair series launched. This first (and probably only) set of merchandise included (besides action figures) a pair of statues that joined together for easy displaying, T-shirts, lighters and, because you probably need to be drunk to ignore the fact that Adam Warren hasn’t done a new Dirty Pair thing in 3 or so years, shotglasses!

[image2]Yeah. So many promises from Adam Warren, so little delivered.
He WAS supposed to do a Dirty Pair/GEN 13 crossover that seemingly never occurred (I haven’t seen anything of the sort, have you?). He WAS supposed to see to the launch of something called “Dirty Pair Bootleg” which is a blatant ripoff of GEN 13 Bootleg which, yes, hasn’t seen the light of day as far as I know. And apparently he won’t even do anymore “Remastered” books past Sim Hell… maybe because the first three (Biohazard, Dangerous Acquaintances & Plague of Angels) came out with another company before Dark Horse swallowed it whole… Eclipse if I remember right, though I could be wrong. As for Adam Warren and what he’s doing now? That is a mystery that only die hard Adam Warren fans know about for certain. And yes, that means that I am most certainly not a die hard Adam Warren fan, so such knowledge is far and away from my grasp… and, come to think of it, maybe I don’t want to know what the heck he’s doing right now. So there.

Which brings us to the topic of the action figures. Released in 2002, these two figures came out at a time when the series seemed to have a future… before the dark gloom of reality set in.
Two figures, only two figures, set during the last phase of the pair’s career (from “uniform” to hairstyle), are not exactly cheap to come by. My set set me back about $60 and that was priced… well… 3 years ago. These days they might be worth less considering the Pair hasn’t seen a new book since 2002 I’m betting. Probably made from plastic, these… hmm… 7 to 9 inch figures?
Wish they had the measurements on the packaging… anyway these figures are plastic, basically look the parts, and pack a few extras. The hair on each figure is plastic, so no free flowing hair (sorry folks). Clothes is painted onto the figures… so technically they’re naked if you think about it that way. The figures sport about … hmm… I’m going to hazard a guess (since there’s no way in heck that I’m going to open these up to find out) and say the wrist/ankle joints are not POAs so we’re looking at a 13 POA spread on each figure. The arms and legs have the most articulation with POAs on the top (shoulder to body and thigh to pelvis), mid arm/leg and elbow/knees (with the knees sporting the most intricate POA I’ve seen on a figure yet)! The whole figure’s look is dead on to the character designs, from the hair and face to the WWWA boots on their feet, nice job of that overall.

Each figure sports a small arsenal of tools and a stand to pose them on. As for the weapons? Let’s start with the most troublesome of these, the Bloody Card. Each figure has one Bloody Card which was a mistake to make. Smaller than a dime, these micro accessories are always the first things to vanish from a figure once it’s taken out of it’s protective packaging. They should have just had it painted onto the figure’s costume as visual adornment, or at the very least had a belt attachment onto the figure with a pouch to store the Bloody Card in. Next we have the standard hand guns, with what seems to be a pivoting gun sight that might be movable, but again I have no overt desire to unwrap the figure to find out. After that we have one large scale weapon for each, for large scale chaos (of course). Then there’s a tube of orange plastic that is probably a neural link (attaches the figure to a weapon), and a Zero Gee backpack that is probably molded onto the figure’s back (though again I wasn’t willing to find out).

[image3]And that, as they say, is that. No bells, no whistles, just what you see and that’s it.
Now if you were a fan of Adam Warren’s Dirty Pair then that’d be all you’ll need. You’ll be off like a flash to secure these… yeah, good luck. The only reason I got these now is because I managed to get them when they came out, and my good friend Mr. Jon Willis at Amazing Al’s held these for me for so very very long! Otherwise I don’t know where you’ll be able to find these now… and, worse yet, I don’t know where you’ll be able to dig down to find the motivation to buy these figures either!

Adam Warren hasn’t exactly been kind to his Dirty Pair fanbase as of late. It’s been, what, 3 years by now? Three years and we have not seen one new Dirty Pair project since then! Adam Warren is not giving back to his fan base, people, he’s not giving back to his fan base at all!

People? You’ll need to dig deep in order to find the justification to do the digging about to unearth these figures, and Adam Warren refusing to do another Dirty Pair series isn’t helping the case for buying these figures! Now, HOWEVER, if there was a sudden surge in new Adam Warren Dirty Pair Graphic Novels and a new series or two to hold up and celebrate over, THEN I can see the reason to harp about these.

But? As it stands now these figures came out at such the wrong time since it looks like we’ve seen the last hoorahs of Adam Warren’s Dirty Pair, and only a miracle (or lots of pressure from fans and Dark Horse Comics) will make me change my mind… that and a new age in Dirty Pair stuff with a few new series to rave about. Otherwise only the die hard Dirty Pair fans will be buying these, and some of them are not Adam Warren fans since they are kind of down on his “image” of the Pair… so maybe die hard Adam Warren Dirty Pair fans? Maybe… if you’re lucky to find these at this day and hour!
Breakdown time!

Adam Warren’s Dirty Pair Breakdown
What’s Hot?
If this was 2001 or 2002 I’d have a long laundry list of reasons why these figures are for you. However these days I can’t think of a single reason. These figures, based on a series that hasn’t seen any attention or interest in 3 years, from a person who has ignored his fan base for who knows how long and doesn’t seem to care either way what his own fanbase wants? That can’t be good. HOWEVER, that being said, if you are a fan of the Adam Warren Dirty Pair series, or if you are a traditional Dirty Pair fan and are willing to forgive some of the “quirks” of the Adam Warren series, then you’ll be buying this. Next would be the fans of female action figures cause they do have abit to show… yes, like that. After that the potential audience for the figures kind of drops in a major sort of way. Unless Adam Warren launches a new era of Dirty Pair Graphic Novels it seems to me that the interest in these figures (and other Adam Warren Dirty Pair collectibles) is going to be severely limited for the near and forseeable future.

What’s Not?
At a price of $60 I don’t see this as being a collectible for the casual action figure collector. Once again you’ll either have to be a fan of the series itself, or of the Dirty Pair in general or female action figures in order to even think of shelling out the money for these. If you are none of the above then you’ll be passing these faster than Adam Sessler passing on tickets to Gundam F-91 the Movie.

Moments to Remember?
At one point these figures were part of a series that people talked about… about the same time when hockey was still a sport people watched… way back when… do you remember back then? I don’t.

What to Ignore?
Well once again it’s time to ignore me because I just love noting the awkward things about somethings. So skip over to “Overall” because I’m about to go into an irrelevant tangent that may cause feelings of “funniness” in you.

My point of contention would be, of course, the right hand. Couldn’t be the gun totting left hand, oh no, it’s the rather awkward looking right hand! Now these hands are meant to hold the Bloody Card, so the hand is set up with the thumb out, the two fingers next to the thumb held out straight (to hold the card) and the last two fingers curled in (so you have the dramatic posture of each figure holding her Bloody Card proudly). Of course since I can’t get over the improper humor associated with rubbing your Nintendo DS I can’t help but point out that the right hands look like they could be used for “evil” as well as good. Let’s just say if you ever run into a badly made hentai porn flash on the internet of these two figures… uh… well touching and… doing things associated with the Nintendo DS but… well, I warned you… and we’ll leave it at that. Ok, you can stop ignoring me now, I’m over it.

Overall
Other than me noting awkward ill uses of these figures (above) I can say that there is a small market for these. Not because they’re so rare but moreso because there doesn’t seem to be any reason to get them now. Only the most die hard of Adam Warren’s fanbase (be they Dirty Pair fans or not) will be shelling out the money for these. Right behind them is Dirty Pair fans (as in fans of the Haruka Takachiho franchise) and finally fans of female action figures. Other than that there’s really no appeal to the casual action figure buyer. And really, at $30 a pop I don’t see casual buyers shelling out money for figures like these.

Dark Horse can, however, bring a new surge in interest if they can only launch a new era of Dirty Pair Graphic Novels! If the series revives I’m sure interest in these figures will also revive, and grow as interest in the new Dirty Pair books grows in turn. All Dark Horse needs to do is get Adam Warren onto the saddle again, or launch that Dirty Pair Bootleg series and get a parade of creators to sit in on the exploits of the Dirty Pair (Adam Warren style). One or the other! Just do something soon! Please!
I’d like to think there was a good reason why I was such a fan of the series way back when someone actually cared enough to release a new Graphic Novel every few years, let alone that same good reason was enough motivation to buy these figures. Please. Give me a good reason please, thank you.