Xbox - Yourself Fitness

Format
Xbox
Publisher
Respondesign
Developer
Respondesign
Country of origin
US
Genre
Exercise

Yourself Fitness

By David Rasmussen
3rd Apr 05

Riddle me this, readers! What does Microsoft and Oscar winning Pulp Fiction co-writer Roger Avery (sorry if I misspelled the name) have in common? Would you believe an evolving lawsuit over a game?
It seems, from what I heard on X-Play, Roger Avery claims he pitched to Bill Gates’ Microsoft the idea for a game that they supposedly stole… and it’s not what you think!
It’s not the latest shooter rivaling the majesty of Halo 2, Half-Life 2 or even Killzone! No, he’ suing them over a WORKOUT GAME!! Yes! Apparently Roger Avery isn’t doing enough with his life if he has time to actually lay claim to one of the most disturbing releases on the Xbox, “Yourself Fitness”!
Yourself Fitness, apparently the first Xbox game for mommy… or anyone who has been exiled from one too many gyms for watching the female exercise classes way too closely. And, yes, going with our theme this week of games with dire health warnings this game too has a dire health warning!
And, really, who wouldn’t want to play a game that features a dire health warning!

No, unlike Pikmin 2 this game’s dire health warning does not have anything to do with seizures.
Apparently it has to do with exercise. I.e. you exercise too much, you’ll collapse and maybe die unless you back off and take a breather before you have a stroke or heartattack or something.
Oh, and don’t work out heavily and then drink cold water while your heart‘s hammering away like a jackhammer. I heard somebody once worked out like mad, drank cold water, and the shock killed them… or something like that. Yeah. I didn’t bring up morbid things like that in Pikmin 2, I know… but then again I never met a person who was killed by a rampaging bird/snake thing that ate him whole so there isn’t much dire warnings to give in a game like that.

Actually, truth be told Yourself Fitness is not really a game. It’s more like an interactive (barely) exercise session between yourself and Maya, your relentlessly cheery female exercise instructor.
And, yes, before you ask, there’s no nude mode so you can’t see her do her thing naked.

All you do is set in your weight, exercise info, pick music and locale and get ready to have Maya set up your weekly workout schedule… then you just need to set up your workout schedule with the actual owner if the Xbox (if that happens to not be you) so you can workout between Halo 2 gaming sessions.

The workouts are easy enough. You just follow along and do what she does, and boy does she love telling you what to do… just look on the bright side, if you like watching women working out you can do it to your heart’s content here without worrying about the cops being called or being thrown out for watching.
The exercises are set into five “levels”, each level marked by a difficulty bar. One bar to five denotes difficulty, but if you don’t feel like counting the bars you can watch the left side of the screen which has the difficulty settings to note. Otherwise the workout is like any you’ve seen in the gym… some moves look kind of silly, some look kind of kinky, and since I don’t have an Xbox I won’t be reviewing the game past this point. And, honestly, I don’t know anyone who will review this other than as a dire warning to not go anywhere near this so called “game”.

Apparently both Microsoft and Roger Avery has put too much credit into this so-called game, and I don’t see where they’re enthusiasm comes from! You know what? Most people who want to use their Xbox to exercise usually purchase “Dance Dance Revolution” and the pad that goes with the game!
As for people who want to workout? They usually go to a gym for that. Still, I guess some people might like this idea of a workout “game” since they’re either too shy to go to a gym and workout in front of lots of people, too short on time since they probably work late and don’t have time for the gym, or don’t have the money to pay the outrageous gym fees… so, yeah, I guess I see one point in backing this game.

However this is going to be a very limited market in terms of appeal.
People who love games who want to exercise are probably going to invest in Dance Dance Revolution Extreme for the Xbox, and if they do want this kind of exercise they might go to an actual gym to workout (and meet women). I can’t see the appeal, really, and I don’t know anyone who’ll even rent this game (let alone buy this game)!

Breakdown time… please.
What’s Hot? - Maya? Is she hot? Do you just get all short of breath watching a woman work out, yet not sweat or even begin to glisten as she… well, if you like that you’re better off buying a really cheap workout video since that’ll be more cost effective than buying a game you’ll never seriously “play”.

What’s Not? - I don’t know what they were thinking! If they wanted to give a workout game they should have made something that required lots of interactivity in the gameplay, yet something that wasn’t so darn… well… disturbing. I’m disturbed by this odd exercise game! Why!! Why!! Why!!… okay, I’m almost done… WHY!!!

Moments to Remember? - Not likely. Uh… hmm… uh… can I customize a daily memorable moments schedule with Maya? Maybe change her outfit or just remove it altogether or something that really catches my short attention span? No nude exercise? Then I can’t think of a thing, sorry.
Oh, wait! I know! I remembered to tell you not to buy this “game”! There! I knew I’d think of something!

What to Ignore? - Did this game even see release considering there’s a legal battle being fought over it?
I don’t know about you, but I’m just creeped out by this game… what gives!

Overall? - Think I’ll end here since there’s nothing else to say.
Other than I finally got a copy of Prince of Persia : Sands of Time and I’ll review that next week!
Stay tuned for fun fun fun in the burning desert sands! Yippee!! Ok, nuff of that. Thanks.
As for this game? Consider it only slightly worse than investing in a porn video about females doing exercise… since it’s just about that bad if you think about it.

And while I’m at it you can also forget buying Catwoman for any of the platforms.
Who needs a cheap Prince of Persia ripoff game when you can play Prince of Persia : Sands of Time and be far happier playing that than a game that rips off from Prince of Persia!
Anyway the prince won’t start licking himself if you stand still for too long, which is what Halle Berry’s Catwoman character does… which is disturbing. So, nuff said!

-- David Rasmussen 3rd Apr 05

Xbox Yourself Fitness Images