Why is it every time I hear this title I automatically imagine Pepsiman and see this weirdo of the faith running down streets at fast speed, picking up bibles and hate literature while a droning band of singers in the background shriek "BIBLEMAAAAAANNNN" over and over again to stupid music... well that would have actually have been a fun game compared to the tripe we're about to be subjected to. But first... how about a little background on the subject in question, Bibleman.

From 1996 up to about 2006 (no word if it's still ongoing or not) there was this little series on video (DVD these days I guess) about a Christian super hero that lasted several cycles of vids and now has a spinoff called Bibleman Jr. ... wait... didn't the creator of Serenity tell us during his interview sometime back that there's no market for super heroes in the Christian marketplace? I really have to dig up my old interview and recheck that part again... anyway here's the 4-1-1 on the characters and their maybe replacements.

Bibleman I Like most superheroes more than one person has worn the mantle of Bibleman. The first Bibleman (Willie Aames) was a wealthy businessman named Miles Peterson, who found purpose in his life when his mother and father were shot dead in the rain by a bible... no, wait, that's Batman's origins. Uh... during a school field trip he was bitten by a radioactive bible... uh... he saved his homeworld Bible from being devoured by the world eater Rush Limbaugh... wait... what is his origins again?

Let's see... Miles was a wealthy businessman who found purpose in his existence when he found a Bible in the rain and saw the power of God... yeah, I like my idea better. He found purpose in his life when his parents was bitten in the rain by a radioactive Bible from the planet Jesus... that's better.

Anyway if you think he's going to go Batman on you guess again... he decides instead to do the Iron Man thing by creating a high-tech suit of armor based on, yes, the aforementioned Armor of God from the last game we just reviewed (The Bible Game for GBA). Oh... and apparently he also went and

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killed a JedI Master for his light saber since he has one of those weapons too.

Coats This Bibleman worked with a sidekick named Coats, a soldier slash inventor played by Marc Wayne... sorry, not much info on Coats.

Cypher Cypher (who is in the game in question) comes in after Coats leaves the series (by character death or just got bored of being a biblical sidekick who can say). KT (Kerry Turner) here is played by Brady Williams (and I'm sure he appears in the cut scenes of the game unless there's a Cypher II), and he's the intellectual brains of the team.

BibleGirl I & II After that we get some female heat in the form of one Tracy Henao (BibleGirl I) and later Heather Hazelwood McSmith (BibleGirl II though technically she's supposed to be BibleGirl I since nobody wanted to actually just replace the character like they did with Bibleman... though they do acknowledge the swap by having BibleGirl II say once "I feel like a whole different person."... because you are, miss, you are) who plays Lia Martinez (BibleGirl I) though they stop calling her by her real name when BibleGirl II takes over in "Jesus Our Savior" though later they do once (on a name tag) refer to her original BibleGirl I secret identity name. She's a struggling actress who joins the cast after battling with Luxor (the anti Christian villain, not the popular puzzle game series from Mumbo Jumbo).

Josh Carpenter/BibleMan II Unlike BibleGirl (who got replaced actress wise while expecting the new lady to play the same character as the first) when BibleMan was replaced they actually went through the trouble of replacing the character as well as the actor in question... but only once.

After "A Fight For Faith" Miles retires as BibleMan and a new BibleMan comes in to take his place. BibleMan II was played by Robert T. Schlipp.

Then we have a second female cast member in Lindsay Lewis who played Mel/Melody O'Shea. Another in the form of a female computer codenamed U.N.I.C.E. (the Universal Networking Intelligence Computing Entity) and a bunch of villains.

Luxor Spawnroth His power is the ability to take on the physical form of sin itself as opposed to the power to summon sphere

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rolling scarabs to invade Bibleman's Bible Cave (ala the power of Set in the Luxor game series)... though sadly he doesn't have the power of "Preacher Money Fraud, Pulpit Hate Mongering, Buy Your Ticket To Heavengate, Washington Lobbyist" and so on... played by Brian Lemmons. He gets a weird sidekick named Ludicrous (the rapper?!?) who is played by a rotating cast of seemingly disposable actors... wow... no respect for the bad guy's sidekick!

Andy & Anthony Stonecrop Brothers who influence kids to rebel against God... gee, I wonder what bad anti-liberal stereotype THEY represent!

Wacky Protestor The villain of this particular game. Referred to by Wikipedia as "A nerdy villain who uses technology to fight BibleMan"... and apparently clones too since the game is chock full of them fighting BibleMan. He is played in the series by Jeff Scott.

No need to keep going. We just covered the prinicpals of the game. BibleMan II, Cypher, BibleGirl (I or II) (rawr!) and the Wacky Protestor. Let's dig into this toxic waste of a game and play!

Darn. I can't play it. The one link to the site that used to host the DEMO is now no longer functional. Oh well. Let's look at the gameplay footage from you tube and review that (thanks to LusikkaMage for suffering the indignity of actually playing this so we can all see what it's about!)

After a long drooling intro on how to play you get shoved into the Bible Cave (a mostly non interactive setting) where you're set off to a training sim to learn the ins and outs of gameplay. Character used to play is BibleGirl (yum!) because she has a projectile weapon (and really with this game you better be using a projectile weapon since a lot of your cloned enemies have projectile weapons).

Hey! This game stole the food eating sounds from better games!... or is the character picking stuff up... I can't tell... oh, picking up bibles... sounds like BibleGirl is eating the bibles though. Reading bible verses... that seems to be a gimmick of both this and Bible Game, though here it's more useful in that it can be used to defeat weak clone enemies while in Bible Game it's for rote memorization to beat the quizzes.

The game itself is a top down button masher where you beat up enemies, collect bibles and mainly beat each level by either beating every enemy on the screen or (in the level you unlock BibleMan II) you have to collect x amount of items and complete a said task (in this case pass all the bibles with mention of the Armor of God to the new Bibleman to activate him). The game resembles a retarded Dungeon Siege clone (you wander about, try to kill things (the game sports lousy hit detection though your enemies do seem more capable of killing you than you are them with their shots), pick up whatevers lying about (including things you DON'T want to pick up like chairs and stools) and listen to insane voice clips that keep saying things like "Nice Day", "Thank You" "Lovely Pirouette" and "Get Em' Hugo" and "Whatever You Say Boss" and "You Think You Can Get Away With This"... wow... just reviewing this game makes me want to perform a Lovely Pirouette... maybe later.

In the DEMO I saw you can do the training, save the one bible printing plant in the world from destruction, find BibleMan II... and that's it. I heard the final game is supposed to have nine levels but according to gametrailers.com this game is listed as TBA in terms of release, so I'm beginning to think it never saw the light of day (thank god) in terms of game release... and really all you have to do is watch the footage of this game on you tube to see why it deserves to perish in pre production hell, this retarded game. Broken gameplay mechanics, endless voice clips that are stupid, a story that makes no sense and is an insult to gaming in general (something about stopping the Wacky Protestor and his endless clone army of Hugos). Thankfully though you don't have to worry about avoiding this game since it looks like it only exist now as gameplay footage on youtube and game trailers.com. 1 Wacky Protestor our of 5.

NOTE - I'm scrounging for a BibleMan interview or two, I'll let you know if I manage to get those or not to future issues.