Sailor and the 7 Ballz

By David Rasmussen, 2nd Apr 06
David Rasmussen profile
Sailor and the 7 Ballz answers an age old question of sorts -- regardless of whether you asked it or not.
Question : What would happen if you locked 100 mating season time monkeys up in a room with 100 computers and all the sex toys you can for “research”? You’d get this evil spawn of the intellectually challenged flash animation creators from heck that should generate a few dozen lawsuits waiting to happen known as Sailor and the 7 Ballz (the flash animation from hell).

Think of it as a sucky Sailor Moon meets DragonBall Z meets Cardcaptor Sakura meets Neon Genesis Evangelion meets Gundam (which just made mad love to the turn based RPG format with the newest Gundam game) meets Street Fighter meets lord knows what else in this flash crap that should have been given a short quick brutal funeral right next to every last copy in existence of Lil’ Pimp (both the never seen theatrical prints and the DVDs).

What?!? Is nobody paying attention?? Hello! Could George Lucas At LEAST pretend he actually cares about somebody blaphemizing the classic old school Star Wars franchise in a crappy porn called Starballz?!? Dammit, Georgie boy, are you really payin’ attention there?!? Snap out of it!!
Then

again Mr. Lucas is not the only one not minding the intellectual store since it looks like nobody is paying attention since this nightmare somehow saw the light of day without so much as a peep from anyone, go figure. Not even dead to consumers franchises Tomb Raider owners EIDOS and whoever got Austin Powers the franchise by the balls seemed to care that their franchise not so performing performers seem to pair up in scenes that were exorcised from the final product (shown in the extras section).

As for the story? Does anyone care whether or not this has a story?
Don’t think I need to tell you the story, mostly since I am most certain nobody cares if there is a story, but just in case somebody cares… Usagi and Mamoru are going to get married, and everyone from every time, space and known reality that the creators of this show thought were “fan favorites” show up for the wedding (several sporting bigger breasts thanks to breast augmentations). Too bad Mamoru is a total pervo and sex crazed. First he gets Ami (now with larger tits) to give him a blowjob, then he spends most of the show jerking off (he watches tit-enhanced Rei

and Mako-chan doing it together which isn’t as hot as you think it sounds). Then Goku and that guy from Evangelion does a breast augmented Minako, who then does a bigger Usagi when she grows a penis, who is then taken by Mamoru which kicks off an underwhelming orgy that… erk… and that’s that. See the DVD I reviewed this week besides this one? Sex Ward? Get that one. This is scrubby.

The animation sucks (flash animation sucks), the voice acting is… well… something, but nothing to communicate to your hive mind about. The sex is sloppy, crappy and basically no good. And even the extras are no good. Pass it on the fly, you’ll find better out there… heck, I think even Venus 5 (which is about sailor suited girls who transform into Sailor Moon clones) might be better than this, and that’s a sight unseen thought though I will review it in the future to see if my first impression lives up to reality.
The breakdown will say the rest.

Sailor and the 7 Breakdowns… more or less.
What’s Hot?

…eh? Well… I guess if you ever wanted to see Rei and Mako-chan fuck… no you don’t.
Uh… how about the many scenes with all those anime char--

no.
The “novelty” of having “popular” characters sexing out is worn out faster than you can say “objection”!
Buy something worth viewing.
Wanna see sailor suited girls doing it? Get a schoolgirl style DVD.
Wanna see dickgirl action? I have something coming up soon review-wise for you to consider.
Wanna see something better? You know you can find better.

What’s Not?
This! Wasn’t what I said above enough proof of that?
There is far better things out there in this world than stuff like this. Patronize that. Yeah, you don’t have anime characters doing sex but given the fact that most of the time using licensed characters for stuff like this never turns out well you might as well get something done well instead of something done cheaply just to squeeze a few bucks out of people. Nuff said.

Moments to Remember?
…nothing…

What to Ignore?
…everything… which goes without saying, doesn’t it?

Overall?
As if the “creation” of the flash animation musical nightmare about a boy who just wants to grow up to be pimp wasn’t bad enough we have this! If your taste goes in this gutter then you really need to find a better corner of hentai to hang your hat in! The DVD shoots for the groin and hits China… so avoid it.

By David Rasmussen, 2nd Apr 06

Sailor Moon and the 7 Ballz

Sailor Moon and the 7 Ballz anime review

Country of origin
Unknown

Format
OVA

Running time
60 mins

Year of production
2000

Sailor Moon and the 7 Ballz Reviews

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